I am 21 years old. Writing this in a totally secluded single
room, in my boxers. I don't have any friends in life. No liabilities, no
responsibilities. I do make friends, but, after a time, maybe they don't like
me anymore, or I don't. Whatever, it is, I just stop being with them. I write
on Quora, I read, I watch YouTube videos whole day, I bunk my classes, and
occasionally during the middle of the day, I like to buy a big cup of coffee
and sit by my college lake, alone. I am probably gonna have my dinner delivered
in a few minutes, and I tell you, it sucks, so, I go over to some place and
book a table alone, and eat up. I enjoy taking up a whole table just to piss
off those couples wanting a double seat, but, not having one. I am going to Interstellar
tomorrow, matinee show, alone, because, I think that Christopher Nolan's movies require a certain level of attention and
concentration that just isn't possible with a group of people howling over the
popcorn. I love to roam about alone on the road. I take walks in the rain, I go
out at 2 in the AM, and just look at the different lights and appreciate the
beauty of the night. I remember taking trains and buses to unknown locations
and spending the whole day at some village, where there is no cell reception. I
never speak to anyone during the day. Once, after a whole week like that, I was
actually unable to speak for a while. Saves my energy, trying to talk to people
who listen only to respond. Sometimes, I cry in the bathroom too. I also cry in
the rain. It's a great time to let out your emotions. No matter what anyone
says, crying is healthy for your soul. I live in a metropolitan city which
celebrates Valentine's Day like NYC, and Durga Puja
like Kolkata. I have over 900 Facebook friends, a ton of them at college, a
dozen flatmates, and about 2.4k followers on Quora. So, essentially, I am alone
in a crowd too. Good, riddance, wouldn't you say? I am so deep in depression
that Adele
can write a song about it.
So, basically, we are alike brother. But, I am hoofing it, and you are asking questions to random strangers and expecting them to change your life with some meaningless advice. You know where is the big difference between you and me?
Approach and Time.
I was depressed by these once. I had such huge spells of depression that my parents had actually considered taking me to a specialist. I had to ask my previous roommate's mom to prescribe me sleeping pills. I drank like fish, I smoked pot. I planned, didn't attempt suicide more times than the average guy masturbates. Yet, I pulled through. I gave time some time. Sooner, or later, you will realize that solitude is a great scope for personal development. I started writing on Internet, I joined NGOs, I learn driving, swimming, web design and even cooking. I worked as a freelancer, I have piano lessons planned up, and I am probably picking up some French, Spanish, and German. I revived my old hobbies of sketching, crafting, origami, and wire-craft. Loneliness and depression are highly underrated my friend. Trust me, after a time, you will love it. You will learn how to voluntarily use that distant wall of yours to shield out bad people, and bad environments. You will slowly learn how to convert that silence into charisma, and that before you know, your depression will be weapon for you. At the risk of sounding cliched, "if there are no ups and downs in life, you're probably dead".
So, my advice. Self-indulgence. Culture yourself. Image this, I have just one more year to be doing all the stuff I mentioned in the first paragraph. After that I have to be earning, growing up, for real. You have your parents taking care of you. This is the perfect time to be alone, nurture yourself, your ideas, hobbies. Learn some skills, which will definitely help you.
So, basically, we are alike brother. But, I am hoofing it, and you are asking questions to random strangers and expecting them to change your life with some meaningless advice. You know where is the big difference between you and me?
Approach and Time.
I was depressed by these once. I had such huge spells of depression that my parents had actually considered taking me to a specialist. I had to ask my previous roommate's mom to prescribe me sleeping pills. I drank like fish, I smoked pot. I planned, didn't attempt suicide more times than the average guy masturbates. Yet, I pulled through. I gave time some time. Sooner, or later, you will realize that solitude is a great scope for personal development. I started writing on Internet, I joined NGOs, I learn driving, swimming, web design and even cooking. I worked as a freelancer, I have piano lessons planned up, and I am probably picking up some French, Spanish, and German. I revived my old hobbies of sketching, crafting, origami, and wire-craft. Loneliness and depression are highly underrated my friend. Trust me, after a time, you will love it. You will learn how to voluntarily use that distant wall of yours to shield out bad people, and bad environments. You will slowly learn how to convert that silence into charisma, and that before you know, your depression will be weapon for you. At the risk of sounding cliched, "if there are no ups and downs in life, you're probably dead".
So, my advice. Self-indulgence. Culture yourself. Image this, I have just one more year to be doing all the stuff I mentioned in the first paragraph. After that I have to be earning, growing up, for real. You have your parents taking care of you. This is the perfect time to be alone, nurture yourself, your ideas, hobbies. Learn some skills, which will definitely help you.
- Learn a new language. I recommend German, if you want to keep yourself occupied. French, if you want to feel that "l'amour est dans l'air".
- Learn a bit of programming, even if you are not a Computer Science major. Algorithms sharpen your thinking and analytic skills.
- Learn how to present yourself in public. How you stand, how you sit, how many buttons of the suit you use, are factors which should be learn.
- Learn soft skills, table manners, group discussion guidelines. These help, trust me they do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
- Learn how to effectively use the internet. How to do an effective Google search instead of typing "My laptop hot, what do?".
- Since English isn't your first language, master it first. Good English opens doors that you probably don't even realize now.
- Write. Write. Write like anything. Writing helps you organize thoughts, channelize beliefs and a good writer could tell you to go to hell in a way that you look forward to the trip. That's the magic.
- Take refuge in art. Drawing, music, literature, whatever strikes your fancy. I am gonna show you something that might lift your spirits as well as wet my narcissism. Here, this is something I drew after a whole night of crying.
Interesting fact : I never learn how to draw. Depression brings out the best in you. If your are sad, it augments it. If you are creative, it surprises you.
Interesting fact : I never learn how to draw. Depression brings out the best in you. If your are sad, it augments it. If you are creative, it surprises you.
You will get over it. Don't worry. Enjoy the alone time. The lonely walks and the long showers (if you know what I mean). Before long, life will eventually throw you into a big puddle of people whom you won't like, but, will be forced to be social with. Oops, 7th A2A just came in. Gotta leave you here, bubbe. Best of luck.
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